March 16th, 2012
Don’t you just love a good shred? I’m talking about a nice, long, hard shred session where you take all those mean and nasty stresses of the everyday world and reduce them to ribbons. Stresses delivered to you in the form of envelopes containing bills, Christmas cards or even junk mail credit card applications – shred them all (of course, pay your bills, first).
There is nothing more relieving or gratifying than taking all the things that trouble you and destroying them in the voracious maw of an insatiable shredder. Non-living things, mind you, but stressful and terrifying things nonetheless. And the sensual feel of all those shredded bits of bills and junk mail as you dig your hands into the bin is almost as relaxing. That’s why, if you have a lot of stressful bits of paperwork that you feel you can part with, then you ought to before it’s too late.
Don’t let bills about TXU Rates, letters from ex-lovers or even junk mail get you down. Experience the Joy of Shredding and destroy every last trace of these bothersome nuisances once and for all. Destroy any evidence that they ever even existed in your life. Again, like I said before, just make sure you actually pay the bills before you destroy them. Otherwise you’ll have an entirely new set of stresses and those won’t be solved by shredding.
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May 31st, 2011
Maybe it’s the sound that is so satisfying. Maybe it is taking a piece of paper and turning it into confetti. I don’t know, but paper shredding isn’t just for security anymore. Nope. It’s art now. Once you get started, it can become an obsession. Turning reams and reams of paper into the materials for collages, border for macrame, or just to hear the sound of the paper shredder turning that 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper into shreds of its former self.
Now add colored paper to the mix. Ah, colored
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May 9th, 2011
Inserting a single sheet of paper into the paper shredder, and getting it properly and fully shredded on the first try, is an authentic art form. This takes patience, practice, skill, and determination – but such an accomplishment can be attained. In the process of mastering this lofty goal, paper shredding turns into a veritable display of technique, talent, effort, and determination.
There’s the putative shredder who mindlessly stuffs his sheet of paper somewhere in front of him without paying attention – no destination in particular – completely missing the paper slot. As the paper
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March 22nd, 2011
Of all the great inventions mankind has developed over the years, none can come close to the magic of the paper shredder. This fascinating device manages to take a simple sheet of paper and convert it into fine, gorgeous ribbons of confetti,www.confetti.com. Feeding the paper into this contraption itself is a joy with no equal. If we could, we’d spend all day shredding documents and notebook pages, but society deems this inappropriate behavior. There are, however, a few ways one can engage in this pleasurable activity without being caught. Firstly, it is necessary to cut down on noise that might give away the fact that you are shredding. In order to do this, measure your paper shredder and construct an enclosure from any thick material, such as wood paneling, cardboard, or styrofoam. Place your shredder into this enclosure and try putting a magazine page through. You’ll notice the lack of sound. A silent shredder is a secret shredder. Next, find a room without windows in which to perform your shredding. Windows might clue others in to your activities. The less visible you are, the better. Don’t forget to dim the lights! The less YOU can see, the better. Finally, make sure to dispose of your paper shreds in opaque black garbage bags.
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September 20th, 2010
Flipping through the calendar pages, we are annually reminded of the defining moments in American history, from the 4th of July commemorating our nation’s birth and independence from England, spanning all the way back to Columbus Day, in recognition of the New World’s first discovery by Europeans. Even the more obscure holidays like Victory Over Japan Day, mildly celebrated every August 15th, get some mention. As the paper shredding timeline is still a relatively short one, no one is expecting any sort of parade-filled nationwide tribute. Still, were we to make recommendations to Congress for an official “Shred Paper Day,” these would be the most likely submissionsFebruary 2, 1909 Move over Groundhog’s Day, February 2nd marks the anniversary of the first patent for a paper shredder being filed by inventor Abbot Augustus Low. After all, if a glorified chipmunk can have its own special day, why can’t a revolutionary piece of machinery follow suit?Sometime in 1935 Though the specific date is unknown, perhaps paper shredding appreciation could take place in every year that ends in 5, something like February 29th. For critics who say paper shredding has no place in history, did you know that the first paper shredder was manufactured in 1935 by Adolf Ehinger, an active participant in Nazi resistance? Ehinger used the original hand-cranked device to cover up his anti-Nazi propaganda before the Third Reich caught on to his heroic publication exploits.
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September 18th, 2010
All you shred-happy office assistants out there, try to contain yourselves before you break into an active sweat. Perhaps the title should’ve been a little more descriptive “Master Shredder” isn’t a new, heavy duty paper-shredding machine capable of making Optimus Prime look like an Easy-Bake Oven. In fact, Master Shredder isn’t even here to help. He is a villain, a cold, hardened killer hell-bent on finally enjoying a hard-fought bowl of turtle soup.Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fans will remember Master Shredder as the primary nemesis of Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo and Rafael, controlling the Foot Clan (his army of misguided wrong-doers) towards one evil ploy after another. Born as Oruku Saki, Shredder takes his nickname from the sharp edged armor he wears at all times, capable of mincing even the thickest encyclopedia to mere scraps. Shredder is a “master” as the result of years of ninjutsu training, a title given to those who have reached the highest level of the Japanese art of fighting.
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September 16th, 2010
Yes, shredding is fun, but like all good things, too much shredding can potentially lead to irreparable harm both to yourself and others. Just prior to casting the next lead in All Documents Go to Heaven, ask the following questions to ensure shredder safety:1) “Is this mine?” Don’t shred what’s not yours. It may seem like common sense, but at times perhaps the urge seems too much to resist. Whether you find pictures of your current significant other enjoying a romantic evening with an ex, an old Halloween photo in which you’re in the background dressed as Bambi (not sexy Bambi, just regular Bambi) or even incriminating legal papers that officially belong to the prosecution, always stick to the shredding’s golden rule.2) “Is this laminated?” As a general rule of thumb, never shred anything with a shiny outer coat. Most likely you, or someone close to you, went through the extra effort to make sure this particular item endured the test of time. This rule extends protection to official paperwork as well, such as passports and drivers licenses, no matter how bad your picture may be.
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September 16th, 2010
To shred something is, by definition, “to cut it finely,” a simple statement seemingly invulnerable to misunderstanding. This is not a personal interpretation of the word’s meaning; it’s Miriam-Webster‘s. Unfortunately, our nation’s youth have taken a few too many creative liberties with shredding’s upstanding name. As a brand, the word shred guarantees a level of quality dismemberment from which there is no return. If something goes through the shredder, it’s not coming back. Using the word in any other semblance compromises 75 years of paper-shredding tradition, devaluing a concept and practice countless engineers have worked hard to perfect.Apparently, the term “shredding” has taken a new slang meaning within snowboarding’s counterculture. One snowboarder might say to another, “Dude, I totally shredded that mountain.” In this instance, the snowboarder is commenting on the skill with which he maneuvered down the snow-packed hill, in addition to the large amount of snow he displaced by cutting back forth on his board in the process. To be clear, displacement is not dismemberment. Were you to pick up all the snow that was shifted during the boarder’s descent, could you easily pack it back together? Yes. A little might melt in the process, but melting is an entirely different ballgame. Perhaps, “Dude, I totally sprayed that mountain” or just “I did a really good job snowboarding back there, bro,” would be a more appropriate word choice.
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September 16th, 2010
What is it about sharpened metal quickly and effortlessly slicing paper into tiny particles that gets your blood pumping like there are two minutes left in the 4th quarter? Most likely a complicated case of deep set emotional issues, but whatever the root cause, you are not alone. In many underpublicized circles across the country, shredding is more of a hobby than means of protecting private, sensitive and/or classified information. Whether satisfying your curiosity just to see if a thick stack will shred or catering to an insatiable desire from within, more paper is wasted per year through meaningless shred-sessions than perhaps the aggregate total of all high school origami clubs. So what about shredding is it that humans are so intrinsically drawn towards?
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